Mbhazima Shilowa was quoted in Nova (a tabloid sold in Gauteng) as saying “There are a lot of critics of the Gautrain, but no one is giving any alternatives”.

This is preposterous. Of course there are alternatives. The most commonly cited one is to upgrade Metrorail, so that maybe the trains will run on time and we won’t have to worry about people setting them on fire. But if we’re talking ways to spend R20 billion, I can think of a ton of other alternatives. Like… how about expanding the N1 to either eight or ten lanes? (I’m serious about that one.) Or just building another highway next to the N1? Or holding a lottery, and giving 400,000 Segways to a random group of Gauteng residents? Since the Gautrain would only carry 60,000 people a day (optimistically), I estimate that my “Gau-Segway” scheme would be 670% more effective at fighting traffic congestion, and it would look cooler. Gautrain: 0 Gau-Segway: 1